DIARIO DI MAMMA
Being Italian sure has its perks. The family, rich history, and culture of our ancestors is the very essence of the dolce vita others are always trying to capture. Admit it, if you’re not Italian and reading this, you’re jealous. “Everybody wants a piece of Italy,” says my Zio Tonino. Let’s face it, Zio Tonino is right. He’s always right (as you’re well aware if you have your own Zio Tonino, and if you don’t have one, you want one but you can’t have mine).
Zio Tonino notwithstanding, there are some serious challenges if you’re an Italian mamma. The dolce vita ain’t free, people. You have to put up with some merde (oh yeah, you read it right) as an Italian woman raising the next generation. For starters, over the years, studies have shown that Italian women are the hardest working in the world. They are working outside and inside the home, and I can attest to this after having lived in Italy for nearly a year (and frequently visiting for months at a time). The Italian mamme are rough and tumble and get the job done – from chauffeuring kids to dance lessons and soccer to whipping up feasts (three- to four-course meals) every single day for lunch to doing laundry like a boss and being an actual boss in the workplace.
The pressure can be overwhelming. These women need a little voice in their head to help them get through the day. But that little train chugging along saying, “I think I can” isn’t going to cut it with these ladies. Here are some customized affirmations for Italian mamme:
10. I will ignore whatever my mother-in-law said about my fat ass, inability to properly dress my children for the weather, or how I fail to properly please her son. Her son loves my ass. My children are not dying of pneumonia. And she doesn’t hear how I make her son holla’ in bed, grazieverymuch.
9. My meatballs are the best. My meatballs are the best. My meatballs are the best.
8. Failing to iron my husband’s shirts does not make me a lesser person.
7. Failing to iron sheets and underwear makes me a better person.
5. Just because I can whip dough into deliciousness at home, doesn’t mean I can’t whip the business into shape, too.
4. My child will not be svatticato (lazy) or cattivo (bad). And my child will love mamma per sempre (forever).
3. My hands, which smell like bleach, lemon, and garlic, indeed define me as a hard worker, mother, wife, and matriarch.
2. No matter my age, my breasts are like melons from Tuscany.
1. I am Italiana, hear me rooooar.