One of my relatives posted a new interpretation of V.I.P., Very Italian Person, on Facebook recently. There was no further explanation, so I thought I’d fill in the blanks. And I should know. I think I might be a V.I.P., and I am definitely the daughter of one and wife to another. That makes me a V.I.P. expert. So, here are the 10 (or un poco di piu) signs you are a V.I.P.
9. Your mamma is the best in all of history, second only to the Virgin Mary.
8. When asked what the most popular dessert in the world is, you respond, “Tiramisu.” (An Italian family on “Family Feud” recently demonstrated this one.)
7. You’ve dipped Italian bread in espresso for breakfast and/or have had tomatoes and bread before 10 a.m.
7a. You’re not at all shocked that there are so many signs of your V.I.P. status that are related to food.
7b. On that note, your calendar has “La Conserva” as the title for August and “Vendemmia” as the title for September.
6. The women in your family would be gold medalists if ironing was an Olympic sport.
5. For years, you thought your cousins were your siblings. If you didn’t live in the same house, you might as well have. And you certainly loved and hated like brothers and sisters.
4. Most of the men in your family are as pretty, if not prettier, than the women.
3. You are not speaking to one or more of your relatives because of a fight stemming from property in Italy.
2. Your F word is not fu.. It’s fan…o! And it’s often preceded by “va” I don’t have to spell it out. You know what it is.
And the No. 1 reason you are a V.I.P. is
1. Hand gestures mean as much, if not more, than any word, even Fan…o.