Two Worlds

Was it safe to have my boyfriend living in Ischia? © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Thirty-Two – Do You Believe?

From the beginning of this long-distance love story, we had our share of problems. The first one was jealousy. Although Lisa put some doubts in my head about Tony’s fidelity, he was always more jealous. Convinced I was dating every man I encountered – from those I phoned for interviews for stories I was writing to my oldest high school and college friends – Tony and I did a lot of fighting in the early days of our relationship. I was constantly repeating that I was faithful and that these other men were either just friends or business associates. I started to get frustrated and resentful that Tony was questioning me so much. I was especially peeved because he would go out with his friends, go dancing, and stay out very late.

Tony was also spending lots of time with Roberto and Lisa. You’d think I’d feel better about this than his nights out with the boys. After all, Roberto was my cousin, my blood. He would have my back, and I could keep an eye on Tony through him, right? In my head, I rationalized the time Tony spent with them as being a good thing for all these reasons. But my gut was telling me a different story. I couldn’t explain it, but I felt a darkness overcome me every time I heard they were all hanging out. There was something about Lisa I didn’t trust. Maybe it was what she said to me in her car. Maybe it was her behavior when I got injured. Maybe it was how she was always so paranoid about Roberto. I couldn’t pinpoint it, but there was something gnawing at me about her. She was very guarded. We spent so much time together, and I never felt like she opened up to me. I felt like I still never knew her.

When I think about how Tony defended her to me every time I brought up my nagging concerns, I would feel just a little sick to my stomach. He said she was fun, and she would grow on me. He told me to give her more of a chance. And he reminded me that we had to grow our friendship with her for Roberto’s sake. I never told Roberto about my feelings, even when he would ask me. But I did mention to his mother that I wasn’t convinced she was the best person for him. She agreed and was even more critical of Lisa than I was.

Truth be told, I also didn’t care for the fact that Lisa openly expressed how attractive she thought Tony was. Sometimes, she would sing Tony’s praises in front of Roberto just to get a reaction from him. He never gave her the satisfaction. Sometimes, he would tell her to just go for it and leave him alone. Then, they’d share an awkward laugh, and I wouldn’t say a word. Still, when we were all together I never suspected anything was going on between Lisa and Tony, who was extremely loyal to his friends, especially Roberto, whom he considered like a brother.

With the distance between us, however, I couldn’t be sure about Tony with other women. Even if I was nowhere near being as jealous as Tony was, I feared about his faithfulness. I knew I wasn’t seeing anyone else while we were on different continents, but I had no idea what he was really doing.

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.

Before this last trip to Italy, I always stayed at my cousin's place in this piazza in Barano d'Ischia. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Thirty-One – Hey Gelosia (Jealousy)

From the time I returned from Italy after that first magnificent trip since Tony and I became a couple, I kept playing back a discussion I had with Lisa that was bothering me. Lisa, my cousin Roberto’s girlfriend, drove me to a restaurant, where we were to meet Tony and Roberto one night. In her Smart Car, which barely has room for my big toe but is considered sleek and stylish, we began to chat for the first time really. Sure, we had met the year before but she was none to pleased with me at first. At the time, I would stay at Roberto’s house with him and his family while I was in Ischia. And Roberto and I were the best of friends. Sometimes, he would stay in with his parents, sister, and me; we’d eat and talk and watch old family videos and eat some more. It was truly a beautiful time that I will always look back on fondly. But it meant that Roberto was neglecting his girlfriend, which is why Lisa seemed to have issues with me early on.

Still, now I was staying at Tony’s place, and I had a new love to occupy my time in Ischia. I didn’t need Roberto, so there should have been no ill will. So, I initiated a chat in the car. Rather than sit in silence, I began to ask Lisa about her family life and her friends on the island. I talked to her about what she hoped to do with her life. She didn’t have much to say other than she would stay on the island and work with her family, who owned a major hotel on Ischia.

Out of nowhere, she brought up a much more controversial topic, one that would haunt me for years to come, one that still haunts me today more than six years later. “What made you decide to commit to Tony?” she asked in a serious and defensive tone.

“Well, I was against it at first,” I explained. “But he was so persistent and then I started to get to know him and I started to fall for him. Now, I decided to just go for it and see what happens. I know it’s going to be hard because we live so far apart…”

“That’s right it will be hard,” said Lisa in an all-knowing and cold manner. “I told Tony, ‘You can do anything you want in Italy and Francesca can do anything she wants in America and neither of you will be the wiser.’”

“While that might be true, that’s not how I conduct myself,” I responded. “I will not be cheating on Tony and he better not cheat on me.”

“You just don’t know,” said Lisa. And then we said nothing else for the rest of the trip to the restaurant. I never really discussed the conversation with Tony. But I kept wondering if Lisa was trying to tell me something about my new love. Should I be worried? Would Tony cheat on me while he was in Italy and I was in America? How would I ever know? These questions plagued me even more once I was back in New Jersey. Every time Tony would get in touch with me on Skype later than usual, I would think, “Is he out with some other woman?” If I had doubts, Tony was a jealous mess.

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.

Life would never be the same after Francesca got involved with Tony. © Photo by Antonio Gerenini

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Thirty – Speedy Love

On that first trip to Italy since Tony and I had become a couple, I was certain I had fallen madly, deeply in love. But was it all too much too fast? Our relationship was accelerated whenever we were finally together because we had to pack in so much of it all at once. I didn’t just visit Italy and see Tony every once in a while during my stay as I would have at the start of our courtship had we lived in the same place. I lived with him while I was in Italy, and we saw each other day and night. Because he lived with his family, I met everyone – from his mom to his sisters and brothers-in-law – just a couple months into the relationship. And I lived with them, too. We ate all our meals with them. While Tony was out running errands or going to work, I was home with his family. The same had been true for him while he was in the States. As a result, we grew close at a fast pace. Things were very serious very soon. Perhaps, I should have been more afraid of the speed, but I was honored Tony wanted to pursue me.

Before Tony, few, if any guys, took a romantic interest in me. I never dated anyone before him. And the guys with whom I hung out were studious, bookish types. Tony was nothing of the sort. He was the class clown, cracking jokes and making puns. Although he was sweet, he could remain detached enough to seem cool and to make you yearn for more. I personally could never pull off that kind of aloofness. And with his height, that goatee and those big green eyes, he was hot. I, Francesca Di Meglio, the girl who no boy ever noticed, was dating a hot Italian guy. How did this happen?

That’s why when I returned to the United States after this trip, I was a bit overwhelmed. I felt as though I was practically engaged already even though Tony claimed to be a commitmentphobe. He was a commitmentphobe, who insisted we committed to one another and introduced me to his family from the start. He was a commitmentphobe, who did not wince when he met my parents before we even officially started dating. He was a commitmentphobe who spoke of fear of commitment but who seemed to have none. I was supposed to be unafraid of commitment. Yet, I wondered whether we were rushing into this love. That wasn’t enough to spark fear or to keep me from loving more. And I knew things would never be quite the same for me.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.

Francesca visits Villa Arbusto on the island of Ischia. © Photo by Antonio Gerenini

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Twenty-Nine – Ischia through New Eyes

Feeling compelled to show me a similarly good time to the one I showed him in the States, Tony served as my boyfriend and tour guide on my first trip to Italy since we became an official couple. Even though I had seen Ischia a million times before, Tony was showing me sides of the island I never knew. For starters, I was staying with his family in Ischia Porto, the island’s capital and gateway. My family, on the other hand, comes from the other side of the island, the towns of Barano and Buonopane. Ischia Porto is supposed to be the sophisticated “city,” whereas Barano and Buonopane are more the “country.” The people from Porto usually had less menial jobs than others, whereas those from Barano and Buonopane were peasants who worked the land.

My time in Ischia before dating Tony was usually spent gathered around the kitchen tables of my relatives eating or hiking to Buceto, woods where my family had land that they used for planting grapes for winemaking and other vegetables for selling. Our cousins who lived in Ischia would take us on a giro d’isola, which meant we’d all pile into one of their compact cars that seats four to five max. We’d be sitting on each other’s laps and passing icons of Ischia – from the rock shaped like a mushroom in Lacco Ameno to the church of Soccorso in Forio – while sitting on each other’s laps stuffed like sardines in the car.

Rarely did we ever get out of the car during one of these trips. We always visited the island in the winter because my father was a landscaper and that was the only time of year he could take time off. You might think that Ischia, an island, would be a delight in the winter. You’d be wrong. It’s bone-chilling cold there once November hits. There’s lots of humidity due to the vicinity of the ocean. Although the temperature doesn’t drop nearly as low as it does in my native New Jersey, it feels like you’re in a freezer. You feel cold to your bones. None of the homes are heated. Homeowners use fireplaces and electric heaters, and they might use a heating system for a couple of hours in the morning or evening but not all day, nor will it be as high as ours. My brother, sister, and I would all sleep huddled in the same bed, and we’d wear sweat pants, sweatshirts, winter coats, and wool hats to sleep sometimes. We were quite the vision.

With Tony, I was having a different experience entirely. I was only spending significant time with the family members he knew, namely Roberto and his girlfriend Lisa. Before I was like a native whenever I was in Ischia, but now I was a true tourist. Tony took me to see Villa Arbusto, a museum about the island’s history. And we went out to dinner to restaurants that were both romantic and authentic, showing off the island’s cuisine (beyond what my relatives make in their home kitchens). I also met a whole new set of people, some of whom I’d grow to admire and many of whom would not turn out to be who I thought they were.

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.

A return to Ischia, at first, was a return to tranquility. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Twenty-Eight – Return to the Homeland

After I arrived in Italy for the first time since I began dating Tony, he greeted me at the airport, and we took a drive from Naples to Florence, where I was going to meet some Italian editors with whom I had worked. Once in the car, Tony asked if he could kiss me, something we had not done in the months since he was in the United States. When I agreed, he gave me a movie-like kiss and we left. With a smile on his face, Tony asked me about our trip and we talked for hours, occasionally holding hands while he drove, before I started to fall asleep.

When I awoke, we were almost in Florence. Traffic was keeping us from arriving, so I gave Tony a gift I had brought for him. It was a link bracelet made of titanium. He was thrilled, and gifted me with another one of those kisses. This time we both had a big smile on our faces. Unfortunately, however, it was short lived. Those first couple of days in Florence were difficult. I spent most of the time working with my editors while Tony did some site seeing on his own. On our way back to Naples (to catch a boat to the island of Ischia, home of my ancestors and Tony), we committed to spending more time together. I had taken vacation for the rest of my two weeks in Italy.

After finally arriving at Tony’s house, I was a bit overwhelmed by his family. I too have a big Italian family, but I never actually lived with my siblings, their spouses, and their children. After you wed, you left and lived in your own home. Although I had spent much of my childhood with my first cousins – who my mother often cared for because she worked for my father from home – they all returned home to their parent’s homes in the evenings for dinner and sleep. During the school year, we were scattered at different schools in our town.

Tony’s family, on the other hand, lived all together in one big house that had once served as my father’s middle school – yes, it’s a small world – and then Tony’s family’s hotel. While each of his sisters and their families had their own apartments upstairs, everyone spent most of their time downstairs with Tony and his mom. All 13 people living in the house ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. All the children went to school in the same place. Still, I was enamored with their open arms. They seemed as welcoming as my family. And Tony’s three nieces, who ranged in age from 4 to 7 were adorable; they took to me right away. I thought, “I could fit into this family.” They seemed so much like my own. They ate, they shared, and they loved.

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.

Ischia and Antonio called me back in 2005. © Photo by Antonio Gerenini

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Twenty-Seven – Talking All Night

For months, Tony and I used our webcam to keep up the romance we began when he visited me in the United States. During the winter months, when Tony was not working, we would spend every evening talking into the wee hours of the morning. It was kind of nice because there was no pressure on us to come up with unforgettable date nights or to develop physical intimacy. We couldn’t even kiss, so we really spent our nights just talking. Sometimes, Tony and I would set aside time just to ask each other questions designed to learn surprising things about one another. This went on for months, and I have to admit despite being separated by an ocean and seeing each other only through these machines, we seemed to be getting closer and closer to one another.

I learned about Tony’s family – three older sisters, three brothers-in-law, a nephew, and three nieces, a late father and a mother, who was still mourning seven years later. He learned about my days at university in Washington, D.C. We talked about how we’d like our futures to look and what our past taught us. My Italian improved ten-fold even though I was already fluent. Although Tony was a reluctant student of English, every once in a while he’d pick up on one of our words and slip it into conversation. We spoke to each other – one way or another – every single day, sometimes more than once.

When April rolled around and the sun began to shine again in Ischia, Tony had to return to work. Still, he would stop by the computer to chat with me. If he couldn’t, he’d send me a romantic text message. This was not enough for him, so he asked me if my leg was strong enough now for a trip to visit him in Italy. I agreed to visit right after Easter, and I stayed at his house for two weeks. It was enlightening and delightful and more than I could have ever expected.

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.

Christmas tree close up © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Twenty-Six – New Year, New Love

Tony and Roberto returned to Italy just in time for Christmas Eve. In fact, they had one day only to gear up for the biggest Italian holiday of the year. Their families were cooking fish, fish, and more fish for it is the night Italians feast on the seven fishes before attending Midnight Mass and waiting for Babbo Natale (Santa Claus) to show up. Despite the chaos that is an Italian home in the hours leading up to Christmas Eve night, Tony and Roberto called to let us know they arrived safely. Tony called me again on Christmas Day.

Although he said he was not ready to return those precious words I had written – “I love you” – he mentioned that he thought he’d be ready eventually. He asked if I was sure I meant what I wrote, and I said I did. To say I wasn’t disappointed and a bit hurt would be a lie. But you have to give love to get it, and I was all right with wearing my heart on my sleeve. Looking back – now that it’s almost seven years later – I don’t know if it was a smart move on my part. Perhaps, there is some truth to those rules about keeping your guard up and waiting for the other person to say, “I love you,” first. I, however, have never been one to mince words, especially in my writing. So, I’d rather not regret my decision to write that card as he returned to the homeland. I stand by my words. I meant what I said. I was in love with him. If I thought he didn’t love me, I probably would have given up on the relationship entirely. But I just don’t think he was willing to admit he loved me, at least not yet. I let it go. For a while, I didn’t say, “I love you,” to him. Then, for a while, I did say it even though he didn’t return the words. That was all right.

We exchanged text messages and e-mails – and chatted live on MSN without a webcam – in the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Each day, I longed for whatever brief communication we shared. Tony, who was on vacation from work, was even more interested in talking than I was. He had more time to devote to me. Sometimes, especially on weekend afternoons, we might spend hours getting to know one another. We talked about religion, politics, soccer, and our history. I learned about his family – three sisters, three nieces, and a nephew, all of whom lived with him and his mom in a house that featured several apartments – one for each family – but had them all huddling together for meals and the like anyway. He already knew a lot about my family, but he learned even more in these next few days. And, still, he didn’t run far, far away. Instead, he found them humorous. What did he know?

By New Year’s we had had our second real argument. The first was in the States and it lasted a day because he was going out with some friends from Italy, and I thought I would go to dinner with a platonic male friend of mine, which sent Tony into a jealous mini-rage. He yelled a bit and expressed his hurt feelings. For a day, he would not talk to me, but then he got over it. This second argument had Tony insisting that I get a webcam as soon as possible. When I didn’t manage to buy one in time for him, he got perturbed and thought I wasn’t as dedicated to keeping this long-distance relationship going as he was. I found this funny since I was supposed to be the one in love. Still, I was usually the one to sign off for the night when chatting, too. But I had work to do in the morning. I was not on vacation anymore.

On New Year’s Eve, I picked up a webcam, and he already had one. Just in time for the new year, we made up and were able to see each other for the first time in a week. Even though it was through a computer screen and there was nothing but a virtual hug and kiss between us, it was magic. The next year was going to be interesting if nothing else.

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.

Tony was returning to Ischia after a month in the States. Would our love last? © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Twenty-Five – Time to Say Good-Bye

While my family might have instilled the fear of God in Tony, he wasn’t scared enough to back away from our relationship. He was clear that he wanted us both to purchase webcams, so we could video chat once he returned to Italy, and I was in the States. I agreed but wondered if this relationship had any chance of surviving such a long distance, especially when it was unclear when we’d be able to see each other again. My work was in America. My health was in America. I still had to figure out what to do about my leg because I was young and didn’t want to spend the rest of my life limping. My family was in America. Sure, I had relatives in Italy, and I enjoyed spending time with them – but that was always for a vacation. The family I was closest to was in the New York metropolitan area, and I had a hard enough time being away from them when I was in college.

I noticed this wasn’t going to be easy for Tony either. Perhaps, it would be even harder for him. He had never really lived on his own, and he was extraordinarily close to his mamma. He was, in essence, a mammoni, a man-child of Italy who had not yet cut the umbilical cord. While he was charming and romantic (not to mention 33 years old), he still had his mother and sisters cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry for him. This was typical for the men of Italy; my own father had a bit of mammoni in him until he met my mom. I wondered, however, if he’d ever be able to part from his family of origin to have a life with a wife. Was this relationship even feasible? Was I just wasting my time?

Some of my relatives certainly thought so, and they of course told me as soon as his plane took off. “Let’s just see where this goes,” I thought. Our love story might just fizzle out on its own once we’re back in our regular routines in our native countries. I was going to do something completely unnatural for me. I was just going to see how things went without any planning on my part. Having things unfold without interfering was not part of my DNA, but it was the only way to be sure this love story was truly meant to be. Despite my own reservations, I also didn’t want to see our relationship end yet; I couldn’t even fathom breaking up with Tony. There was something keeping me attached to him. So, when we bid farewell at the airport, I stuck a card in his pocket and told him to read it when he boarded the flight. In it, I expressed many of my feelings and I ended the letter with those three little words, “I love you.” Now, it was up to him to decide what would happen next…

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.

If only the real Italy could be in Florida like the fake one in Epcot! Then, long-distance love wouldn't be so bad. © Photo courtesy of Di Costanzo and Gerenini

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Twenty-Two – Crazy in Amore?

Maybe dating a native Italian who still lived in Italy was a big mistake. But it was already too late. I was falling in love with Tony. I was certain of this in Florida, where Tony, a known commitmentphobe, brought up the idea of having me visit him in Italy sometime in the spring. I told him I would try, but it would all depend on how things went with the physical therapy for my knee. Although I was walking and getting around, I still had a pronounced limp and lacked thigh muscle. I was going to physical therapy three days per week. It was grueling. I was proud I had made it through the Disney parks so successfully, but a trip to Italy would be difficult. Besides the travel, there was still the chance I would need more surgery to replace the cartilage that I lost. There was fear my (ACL) ligament was also loose.

Still, Tony made me promise I’d visit because he saw a future for us and didn’t want me to think this was just “un’ avventura piccola solo per vacanza” (“a little adventure only for vacation.”) He could see us together for the long haul. Roberto started to see it, too. In between flirting with other women and hanging out with my brother, Roberto asked me what I thought about Tony and what was going on between us. I was honest and said that I was enjoying my time with him and that I had reservations about the distance between us but I was already falling in love. He admitted that he saw in the way Tony and I looked at each other that a love story was beginning to blossom.

Although my heart was happy to finally have found love, and I was having the time of my life with Tony, especially in Florida, where the sun was shining and Mickey Mouse was distracting us from concerns, such as how we’d manage such a long-distance relationship, a part of me felt impractical for allowing myself to feel this way about someone who lived in an entirely different continent. Italy was so beautiful, I thought. Maybe I wouldn’t mind spending so much time there. Wouldn’t love be enough to get us through any obstacle? Was there even reason to be practical about this matter of the heart?

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.

Roberto flirted with just about everyone in Florida. Even Minnie wasn't immune. © Photo courtesy of Di Costanzo and Gerenini

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Twenty-One – Harmless Flirting?

Roberto enjoyed living the life of a bachelor while on vacation in the United States, probably never more so than in the week we spent in Orlando, Fla. with my brother and his friends. The only problem was that Roberto had a girlfriend back in Italy. “I’m-a, how you say, flirting,” he would tell me. “No problem.” Still, he was leaving out the stories of flirting when he would finally get on the phone with his girlfriend Lisa.

By day, we would sleep in before heading to the Disney theme parks with either my brother or one of his friends. By night, we would either go out to dinner or eat at my brother’s house with his single buddies. One evening, we all headed to a bar. Tony and I went home early with one of my brother’s roommates. The three of us were all older than the others and had long outgrown the bar scene. Tony, who works as a bartender in Ischia, hardly wants to hang out at a bar or nightclub when he’s on vacation. But Roberto never left. My brother had his new girlfriend by his side, so he left Roberto unattended most of the time.

You’d think that would be okay, given he was 22 at the time and supposedly in a committed relationship. Another night, my brother had the boys bring the drinking to the house instead of going out to a bar. People were coming in and out. But I stayed locked in the guest room with a good book. Tony would come in and out of the room until about 10 p.m., when I drifted off to sleep. The next morning, I would discover that I missed all the fun.

Tony described a buzzed Roberto zooming around the house and talking to everyone in English. He zeroed in on one girl, who actually had a boyfriend who was at the house. And he walked over to her and said, “I like your big-a bobs!” Not boobs. He said, “Bobs.”

“Fantastic,” I said to Tony. “What do you think Lisa would say about this?”

“Non sarebbe contenta,” he responded. “She wouldn’t be pleased.”

Later on in the evening, Roberto had another encounter with her. She had just chugged a beer from a can, which women in Italy don’t do. And this all-American burped like she was a bull frog croaking in front of everyone in the room. “Now-a, that’s-a real woman,” Roberto said. “Real woman-a.” Moments later, she left with her boyfriend. Nothing more happened between Roberto and her, but his “flirting” made for cute anecdotes later.

Although Roberto was looking and not touching – barring his attempted kiss with Addy, which she thwarted – and his flirting appeared harmless on the surface, I kept thinking that if I were Lisa, I’d be bothered by this behavior. Who wants to hear that their boyfriend complimented another woman’s breasts? Or was scoping out the singles scene abroad? Then, I quickly realized I could be Lisa. I wondered how Tony would act when he returns to Ischia, which was only a couple of weeks away. Would he be “how you say flirting,” too? Should I be worried? Do all Italian men cheat? Was I ruining my life by getting involved with a real Italian?

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.