Two Worlds

A return to Ischia, at first, was a return to tranquility. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Twenty-Eight – Return to the Homeland

After I arrived in Italy for the first time since I began dating Tony, he greeted me at the airport, and we took a drive from Naples to Florence, where I was going to meet some Italian editors with whom I had worked. Once in the car, Tony asked if he could kiss me, something we had not done in the months since he was in the United States. When I agreed, he gave me a movie-like kiss and we left. With a smile on his face, Tony asked me about our trip and we talked for hours, occasionally holding hands while he drove, before I started to fall asleep.

When I awoke, we were almost in Florence. Traffic was keeping us from arriving, so I gave Tony a gift I had brought for him. It was a link bracelet made of titanium. He was thrilled, and gifted me with another one of those kisses. This time we both had a big smile on our faces. Unfortunately, however, it was short lived. Those first couple of days in Florence were difficult. I spent most of the time working with my editors while Tony did some site seeing on his own. On our way back to Naples (to catch a boat to the island of Ischia, home of my ancestors and Tony), we committed to spending more time together. I had taken vacation for the rest of my two weeks in Italy.

After finally arriving at Tony’s house, I was a bit overwhelmed by his family. I too have a big Italian family, but I never actually lived with my siblings, their spouses, and their children. After you wed, you left and lived in your own home. Although I had spent much of my childhood with my first cousins – who my mother often cared for because she worked for my father from home – they all returned home to their parent’s homes in the evenings for dinner and sleep. During the school year, we were scattered at different schools in our town.

Tony’s family, on the other hand, lived all together in one big house that had once served as my father’s middle school – yes, it’s a small world – and then Tony’s family’s hotel. While each of his sisters and their families had their own apartments upstairs, everyone spent most of their time downstairs with Tony and his mom. All 13 people living in the house ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. All the children went to school in the same place. Still, I was enamored with their open arms. They seemed as welcoming as my family. And Tony’s three nieces, who ranged in age from 4 to 7 were adorable; they took to me right away. I thought, “I could fit into this family.” They seemed so much like my own. They ate, they shared, and they loved.

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.

Christmas tree close up © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Twenty-Six – New Year, New Love

Tony and Roberto returned to Italy just in time for Christmas Eve. In fact, they had one day only to gear up for the biggest Italian holiday of the year. Their families were cooking fish, fish, and more fish for it is the night Italians feast on the seven fishes before attending Midnight Mass and waiting for Babbo Natale (Santa Claus) to show up. Despite the chaos that is an Italian home in the hours leading up to Christmas Eve night, Tony and Roberto called to let us know they arrived safely. Tony called me again on Christmas Day.

Although he said he was not ready to return those precious words I had written – “I love you” – he mentioned that he thought he’d be ready eventually. He asked if I was sure I meant what I wrote, and I said I did. To say I wasn’t disappointed and a bit hurt would be a lie. But you have to give love to get it, and I was all right with wearing my heart on my sleeve. Looking back – now that it’s almost seven years later – I don’t know if it was a smart move on my part. Perhaps, there is some truth to those rules about keeping your guard up and waiting for the other person to say, “I love you,” first. I, however, have never been one to mince words, especially in my writing. So, I’d rather not regret my decision to write that card as he returned to the homeland. I stand by my words. I meant what I said. I was in love with him. If I thought he didn’t love me, I probably would have given up on the relationship entirely. But I just don’t think he was willing to admit he loved me, at least not yet. I let it go. For a while, I didn’t say, “I love you,” to him. Then, for a while, I did say it even though he didn’t return the words. That was all right.

We exchanged text messages and e-mails – and chatted live on MSN without a webcam – in the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Each day, I longed for whatever brief communication we shared. Tony, who was on vacation from work, was even more interested in talking than I was. He had more time to devote to me. Sometimes, especially on weekend afternoons, we might spend hours getting to know one another. We talked about religion, politics, soccer, and our history. I learned about his family – three sisters, three nieces, and a nephew, all of whom lived with him and his mom in a house that featured several apartments – one for each family – but had them all huddling together for meals and the like anyway. He already knew a lot about my family, but he learned even more in these next few days. And, still, he didn’t run far, far away. Instead, he found them humorous. What did he know?

By New Year’s we had had our second real argument. The first was in the States and it lasted a day because he was going out with some friends from Italy, and I thought I would go to dinner with a platonic male friend of mine, which sent Tony into a jealous mini-rage. He yelled a bit and expressed his hurt feelings. For a day, he would not talk to me, but then he got over it. This second argument had Tony insisting that I get a webcam as soon as possible. When I didn’t manage to buy one in time for him, he got perturbed and thought I wasn’t as dedicated to keeping this long-distance relationship going as he was. I found this funny since I was supposed to be the one in love. Still, I was usually the one to sign off for the night when chatting, too. But I had work to do in the morning. I was not on vacation anymore.

On New Year’s Eve, I picked up a webcam, and he already had one. Just in time for the new year, we made up and were able to see each other for the first time in a week. Even though it was through a computer screen and there was nothing but a virtual hug and kiss between us, it was magic. The next year was going to be interesting if nothing else.

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.