Two Worlds

Before this last trip to Italy, I always stayed at my cousin's place in this piazza in Barano d'Ischia. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Thirty-One – Hey Gelosia (Jealousy)

From the time I returned from Italy after that first magnificent trip since Tony and I became a couple, I kept playing back a discussion I had with Lisa that was bothering me. Lisa, my cousin Roberto’s girlfriend, drove me to a restaurant, where we were to meet Tony and Roberto one night. In her Smart Car, which barely has room for my big toe but is considered sleek and stylish, we began to chat for the first time really. Sure, we had met the year before but she was none to pleased with me at first. At the time, I would stay at Roberto’s house with him and his family while I was in Ischia. And Roberto and I were the best of friends. Sometimes, he would stay in with his parents, sister, and me; we’d eat and talk and watch old family videos and eat some more. It was truly a beautiful time that I will always look back on fondly. But it meant that Roberto was neglecting his girlfriend, which is why Lisa seemed to have issues with me early on.

Still, now I was staying at Tony’s place, and I had a new love to occupy my time in Ischia. I didn’t need Roberto, so there should have been no ill will. So, I initiated a chat in the car. Rather than sit in silence, I began to ask Lisa about her family life and her friends on the island. I talked to her about what she hoped to do with her life. She didn’t have much to say other than she would stay on the island and work with her family, who owned a major hotel on Ischia.

Out of nowhere, she brought up a much more controversial topic, one that would haunt me for years to come, one that still haunts me today more than six years later. “What made you decide to commit to Tony?” she asked in a serious and defensive tone.

“Well, I was against it at first,” I explained. “But he was so persistent and then I started to get to know him and I started to fall for him. Now, I decided to just go for it and see what happens. I know it’s going to be hard because we live so far apart…”

“That’s right it will be hard,” said Lisa in an all-knowing and cold manner. “I told Tony, ‘You can do anything you want in Italy and Francesca can do anything she wants in America and neither of you will be the wiser.’”

“While that might be true, that’s not how I conduct myself,” I responded. “I will not be cheating on Tony and he better not cheat on me.”

“You just don’t know,” said Lisa. And then we said nothing else for the rest of the trip to the restaurant. I never really discussed the conversation with Tony. But I kept wondering if Lisa was trying to tell me something about my new love. Should I be worried? Would Tony cheat on me while he was in Italy and I was in America? How would I ever know? These questions plagued me even more once I was back in New Jersey. Every time Tony would get in touch with me on Skype later than usual, I would think, “Is he out with some other woman?” If I had doubts, Tony was a jealous mess.

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.

Life would never be the same after Francesca got involved with Tony. © Photo by Antonio Gerenini

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Thirty – Speedy Love

On that first trip to Italy since Tony and I had become a couple, I was certain I had fallen madly, deeply in love. But was it all too much too fast? Our relationship was accelerated whenever we were finally together because we had to pack in so much of it all at once. I didn’t just visit Italy and see Tony every once in a while during my stay as I would have at the start of our courtship had we lived in the same place. I lived with him while I was in Italy, and we saw each other day and night. Because he lived with his family, I met everyone – from his mom to his sisters and brothers-in-law – just a couple months into the relationship. And I lived with them, too. We ate all our meals with them. While Tony was out running errands or going to work, I was home with his family. The same had been true for him while he was in the States. As a result, we grew close at a fast pace. Things were very serious very soon. Perhaps, I should have been more afraid of the speed, but I was honored Tony wanted to pursue me.

Before Tony, few, if any guys, took a romantic interest in me. I never dated anyone before him. And the guys with whom I hung out were studious, bookish types. Tony was nothing of the sort. He was the class clown, cracking jokes and making puns. Although he was sweet, he could remain detached enough to seem cool and to make you yearn for more. I personally could never pull off that kind of aloofness. And with his height, that goatee and those big green eyes, he was hot. I, Francesca Di Meglio, the girl who no boy ever noticed, was dating a hot Italian guy. How did this happen?

That’s why when I returned to the United States after this trip, I was a bit overwhelmed. I felt as though I was practically engaged already even though Tony claimed to be a commitmentphobe. He was a commitmentphobe, who insisted we committed to one another and introduced me to his family from the start. He was a commitmentphobe, who did not wince when he met my parents before we even officially started dating. He was a commitmentphobe who spoke of fear of commitment but who seemed to have none. I was supposed to be unafraid of commitment. Yet, I wondered whether we were rushing into this love. That wasn’t enough to spark fear or to keep me from loving more. And I knew things would never be quite the same for me.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.

Francesca visits Villa Arbusto on the island of Ischia. © Photo by Antonio Gerenini

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Twenty-Nine – Ischia through New Eyes

Feeling compelled to show me a similarly good time to the one I showed him in the States, Tony served as my boyfriend and tour guide on my first trip to Italy since we became an official couple. Even though I had seen Ischia a million times before, Tony was showing me sides of the island I never knew. For starters, I was staying with his family in Ischia Porto, the island’s capital and gateway. My family, on the other hand, comes from the other side of the island, the towns of Barano and Buonopane. Ischia Porto is supposed to be the sophisticated “city,” whereas Barano and Buonopane are more the “country.” The people from Porto usually had less menial jobs than others, whereas those from Barano and Buonopane were peasants who worked the land.

My time in Ischia before dating Tony was usually spent gathered around the kitchen tables of my relatives eating or hiking to Buceto, woods where my family had land that they used for planting grapes for winemaking and other vegetables for selling. Our cousins who lived in Ischia would take us on a giro d’isola, which meant we’d all pile into one of their compact cars that seats four to five max. We’d be sitting on each other’s laps and passing icons of Ischia – from the rock shaped like a mushroom in Lacco Ameno to the church of Soccorso in Forio – while sitting on each other’s laps stuffed like sardines in the car.

Rarely did we ever get out of the car during one of these trips. We always visited the island in the winter because my father was a landscaper and that was the only time of year he could take time off. You might think that Ischia, an island, would be a delight in the winter. You’d be wrong. It’s bone-chilling cold there once November hits. There’s lots of humidity due to the vicinity of the ocean. Although the temperature doesn’t drop nearly as low as it does in my native New Jersey, it feels like you’re in a freezer. You feel cold to your bones. None of the homes are heated. Homeowners use fireplaces and electric heaters, and they might use a heating system for a couple of hours in the morning or evening but not all day, nor will it be as high as ours. My brother, sister, and I would all sleep huddled in the same bed, and we’d wear sweat pants, sweatshirts, winter coats, and wool hats to sleep sometimes. We were quite the vision.

With Tony, I was having a different experience entirely. I was only spending significant time with the family members he knew, namely Roberto and his girlfriend Lisa. Before I was like a native whenever I was in Ischia, but now I was a true tourist. Tony took me to see Villa Arbusto, a museum about the island’s history. And we went out to dinner to restaurants that were both romantic and authentic, showing off the island’s cuisine (beyond what my relatives make in their home kitchens). I also met a whole new set of people, some of whom I’d grow to admire and many of whom would not turn out to be who I thought they were.

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.