May 31 2011

Ischia – Italy’s Islanders 14

Whenever the Ischitani come to New York, it's an experience to remember. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Whenever the Ischitani come to New York, it's an experience to remember. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Fourteen – Welcome to America

That phone call in October 2004 came from Tony. He let me know that he and my cousin Roberto would be traveling to the United States to visit me in November. They had made the tickets already, and by coincidence they would arrive just in time for Thanksgiving and stay for a month, just until Christmas. It would be a dreamy holiday season…maybe with a little romance.

From the start, the relationship between Tony and I was a challenge. My father and I drove to JFK Airport to pick up Tony and Roberto. My grandfather – Roberto’s great uncle – insisted on joining us. But he would not come in the car with us. He wanted to drive his own wheels. We all waited with open arms. When the Italians arrived, my grandparents greeted Roberto and Tony, and we introduced Tony to my father before heading back to the car.

As we packed the luggage into the trunk, my father and the two young men teased one another about the various towns they come from in Ischia – “All the wimps come from Barano, all the lazy bums are from Ischia Porto, all the pains in the neck come from Buonopane.” Once we all got in the car, they started discussing Buceto, the wooded area in Ischia that is the place of my father’s childhood and dreams. There, he would pick mushrooms and chestnuts, hike with his family’s dog Fox, and camp out with his sisters and father during the various feast days that had them taking in fireworks from the top of the mountain in their little cantina (wine cellar). My father’s eyes sparkle like the stars in an Ischia sky on a crisp fall evening whenever he gets on the topic of Buceto. Noting this and my father’s brown leather jacket with the collar upturned prompted Tony to nickname him James Dean of Buceto.

There was a lot of traffic that night as we were trying to get from New York to New Jersey, and my grandparents were still behind us in their car. All of a sudden, my grandfather pulls up next to us and starts shouting. We can’t hear him because the windows were down, and we were boisterously reminiscing about my father’s youth in Buceto. We rolled down the windows only to learn that Grandpa was running out of gas. We had to get off the highway somewhere in the Bronx and find the nearest gas station. We made it in the nick of time. But it meant that Roberto and Tony’s first glimpse of the United States was the ghetto. In fact, we saw shady characters with hoodies covering their faces exchanging money in the corner. And the smell of pot wafted through the air.

We took it as an adventure, and so did Roberto and Tony, who are used to the far grittier Napoli, which is right outside of Ischia and their gateway to the mainland. From the moment we got in the car, Tony was secretly texting me sweet little notes. The first was about how happy he was to finally be here with me and how much he was looking forward to this month discovering America. Others followed commenting on how great my father was and what the flight was like.

I was smitten, and I wasn’t paying attention. When we got back on the highway from the gas station, there was a detour. Somehow, we must have gotten on the wrong road. An hour and a half and five more stories on Buceto later, my father and I wondered aloud why it was taking us so long to get home when we were at the Bronx (which is really only 15 minutes away from our house barring traffic). We also realized my grandparents had lost us. They were nowhere to be seen. Up ahead, we saw a sign for Connecticut. We had been driving in the wrong direction. By the time we realized our mistake, turned around, and got home again, we had been traveling for five hours in the car. At least we were all laughing. And we found out my grandparents had just returned home to Long Island when they noticed the mistake.

I sent Tony a text message apologizing for the major error and the lousy start to his vacation. He responded, “I guess this is the price I have to pay to be with you. It’s worth it.” When we entered the house, my mom was waiting with a great spread of food and red, white, and blue balloons to welcome Roberto and Tony. As they were shuffling in and out while unloading the car, my mom whispered to me, “Wow, Tony is tall and handsome!” I couldn’t agree with her more.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.


May 24 2011

Ischia – Italy’s Islanders 13

Ischia's beauty can be deceiving, and my family warned me about it. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Ischia's beauty can be deceiving, and my family warned me about it. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Thirteen – Sant’ Antonio

While I was in bed and undergoing physical therapy for a knee injury that I experienced in Ischia, Italy, I had lots of time to think. It had been four years since college, and I had few friends and no dates. I loved my family, and my cousins have always been like friends to me. But they were all either a bit older with families of their own to raise or a bit younger and still partying like it was 1999. But it was 2004, and I was in my mid-twenties. My career had just taken a major hit; being unable to commute, I had to hustle freelance jobs from bed, all while learning to walk without a limp again.

Things seemed dark. I spent many hours crying while watching HGTV and Nick at Nite. What happened to my plans for conquering New York magazines, getting married, and having kids? So, when Tony – a native Italian from Ischia – started showing me attention, I couldn’t help but be excited. I knew that this relationship had major flaws from the beginning. He lived in Italy, and I lived in the United States. Still, I was flattered. Tony was over six feet tall, had the greenest eyes you’ve ever seen, dark, curly hair (a full head of it in his mid-thirties), and he was funny. And he was attracted to me! In fact, I could hardly believe it.

My relatives in the States, who came from Ischia, warned me to stay away from him. The Italians are all married to their moms or they cheat or both, they would say. My one aunt kept telling me, “You don’t want to go to Ischia. You think it’s nice because you go there for vacation. We lived there. We know. There are no opportunities for young people, so you make little to no money, which is why everyone lives with their parents and kills each other like wolves for little pieces of property. The people are ignorant because they never leave the island. They gossip and destroy relationships. No one works, but they all want from you.”

At the time, I thought they were remembering wrong or that they were mistaking Ischia of yesteryear for Ischia of today. Tony was sweet, and so were all the other people I met there. He comforted me in this difficult period in my life. I liked daydreaming about Ischia and the good times I had had there recently. It was about all I had left lying in that bed. Why did my relatives want to take this away from me?

On the other hand, my parents didn’t say a word. A long time ago, they vowed to keep silent when it came to the personal lives of us kids. They did just that, at first. I would tell them that I heard from Tony, and they knew he sent a gift for me through my sister. But none of us – not even I – knew how serious Tony was…until a fateful phone call in October 2004. I didn’t know it at the time, but that phone call was the beginning of a new chapter.

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.


May 15 2011

Ischia – Italy’s Islanders 12

Saying good-bye to Ischia was easier once I injured my knee. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Saying good-bye to Ischia was easier once I injured my knee. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Twelve – My Bit of Hope

Coming back to the United States with a knee injury that nearly left me without a foot was a surreal experience. I was terrified of what lie ahead. Having secured a part-time, freelance job at an international business publication and Web site in Manhattan, I wondered how I would even be able to make the commute. Indeed, I never did make that commute. When I returned home, we learned that I had torn a piece of cartilage the size of a peach pit, and it moved from the front of my knee to the back, which is why it was cutting off my circulation. In the end, I had to have three surgeries and two years of physical therapy. The last surgery took over seven hours and included both a cartilage transplant and ligament repair. (I tore my ligament while walking on the beach at the Jersey Shore amid physical therapy.) I spent two six-week periods in bed, one of which had me hooked to a machine that bent my knee six hours per day.

But I’m a fighter, the daughter of fierce immigrants. I managed to keep my job with that business publication by working from home. I didn’t waste one minute in that bed. I hustled and picked up other freelance jobs, while earning a couple of promotions along the way.

Still, I was stuck in bed or on crutches most of the time. And I spent three mornings a week in physical therapy and the other days doing my exercises on my own. I walked with a limp the majority of the time and had lost all the muscle in the thigh above my injured knee. I fell into a depression. Even though my parents cared for me, I felt lonely and scared. And I wondered if this is what my future was going to look like. While overcoming such difficulties can build character, it can also break you.

There was a tiny bit of hope lifting inside me. Every once in a while during this period it came through. My hope was named Tony, my Italian pal with potential. Before I left Italy – knee injury and all – Tony asked Roberto if he could have my e-mail address. Before giving it to him, Roberto asked if I would mind. He held onto my e-mail address for a week despite Tony’s demands for it. The morning of my first surgery, I opened my e-mail to find a note from Tony. He wanted to know how I was doing, and if I’d like to keep in touch.

From then on, he started virtually wooing me. There were text messages, online chats, and even a couple of phone calls. My relatives in the United States were warning me to stay away from him. “Italian boys are married to their mamma or they cheat on you or both,” they would say. My American friends certainly agreed. But he was so sweet and served as a good friend when I needed one most.

While my sister was in Italy studying abroad, Tony begged to see her. And he gave her a gift to bring to me. Inside, there was a silver key-to-his-heart charm and letter expressing his developing feelings. I secretly wished he was closer physically to me. I had no interest in leaving Jersey – and after that horrific ordeal in Ischia, I wasn’t making any new travel plans either.

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.


May 9 2011

Ischia – Italy’s Islanders 11

Francesca with her head in the clouds in Ischia. © Photo by Antonio Gerenini

Francesca with her head in the clouds in Ischia. © Photo by Antonio Gerenini

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Eleven – I’m a Survivor

The day after I drifted off to sleep dreaming about the gardens at La Mortella, I woke up with some new and disturbing symptoms. Now, I still could not walk, the swelling had not gone down, and my leg was cold and turning black from the knee down. I felt exhausted even after hours of sleep. I kept involuntarily shutting my eyes. I stayed put for most of the day. My leg was also cold as ice, and no amount of blankets seem to get it warm. In the evening, Gabriele and my other cousin the doctor spoke on the phone and hatched a plan to get me to the hospital despite my refusal.

The doctor’s kids came to “visit” me, and then they told me to get in their car with Gabriele. The family carried me out, and I had nothing more than my cell phone and wallet with me. When we got to the ambulatory care center, there was a circulation specialist from Naples there to see me. They propped me up on a table, and he inspected my whole leg, paying particular attention to my foot.

“Signorina, you have no pulse on your foot,” he said to me. “You have the foot of a dead person, and we might have to amputate.” Gabriele and I began crying at the same time. How could this be happening? The first doctor said I had a bad bruise and three days later I might be going back to the States minus a foot? He asked if I’d be willing to get in a helicopter to a hospital in Naples. I refused, so they brought me to the hospital in Lacco Ameno, the only hospital in Ischia.

Going to the hospital in Italy – or at least Ischia – is like stepping into a sitcom, only you don’t find it so funny because you’re the star. For starters, when you get in the ambulance, the siren sounds like an old lady whaling for her children. You later learn that this is purposeful because you will be rooming with four to six old ladies whaling for their children. Some of them are naked at the time, which makes you want to cry. Did I mention there will be no curtains? That’s right, everyone in their all together, getting shots, vomiting, and all the rest, out in the open.

During the ambulance ride, one of the EMTs – I think his name was Marcello – actually asked for my phone number. The Italian man will stop at nothing. When we arrived, he carefully carried me out of the ambulance and into the hospital, while whispering in my ear that I was beautiful even in this condition. I nearly laughed out loud. Then, I thought, papa’ and Zia Maria would never go for this guy with his eyebrow ring and smooth talking. But it would make for a great story – as long as I didn’t really end up losing my foot.

While they were rushing me into the X-ray room – there is no MRI machine on Ischia – another patient who was near death was being rolled into the hospital. He was drunk and had driven his motorino into a wall. It was as if we could see his brains. And his blood was flying everywhere. Some of it landed on me as they quickly wheeled me out of X-rays and wheeled him in. Gabriele, who has no tolerance for blood, was woozy. A few minutes later, I started to feel a little funny. I turned white, and blood began dripping down my arm. In the confusion, the nurse failed to put in my IV correctly. That put Gabriele over the edge. He ran out the door into the parking lot and threw his head between his legs. Roberto, who had just arrived with Lisa, caught him just as he was about to pass out.

Franca called Roberto, who was on a date with Lisa, to tell him what happened to me. He forced Lisa to leave the restaurant and come to the hospital. She was not pleased. Moments after they arrived, she began loudly whispering her anger at Roberto. “We were on a date,” she said. “There are so many people here for your cousin. You did not have to come, too. This is ridiculous.” Then she crossed her arms over her chest and turned away from Roberto. Her icy stare was too much for me in that moment. After the nurse fixed my IV – in the middle of the hallway where I was kept until the guy with his brains dangling was in a more stable condition – I called Roberto over to me. I whispered less loudly that he should take Lisa home and not worry about me. I was fine with Gabriele, and the doctor’s kids, who are also my cousins, were able to stay with me the entire night. Soon after that, the other patient, who was in dire condition, was wheeled into the operating room, which I could see from the hallway. In fact, the door remained ajar, and the blood kept flying.

Once that was all over – and the patient was alive and stable – I was brought upstairs to a room with five other women. By now, it was the middle of the night. But the nurses had to tend to me. We couldn’t turn on the lights because of my roomies who were sleeping. First, I asked to use the bathroom. The nurse, Francesco, told me I’d have to use a bedpan. He also told me to pull down my shirt and bra – in front of everyone. He used old-fashioned suction cups to attach the heart monitor to me. The cups kept popping off my chest, and he kept pushing them back on. “Nice, so nice to get to touch a young woman,” Francesco said.

“In America, you’d get sued for sexual harassment,” I replied.

“Thankfully, we’re in Italy, not America,” he said.

Next, he raised my leg above my heart and instructed me not to move it. And he piled blankets – lots of blankets on top of it. The hope was that we could raise the temperature of my leg and get at least a little bit of circulation, so a pulse would return. I said a prayer before I tried to get some sleep.

I felt a draft the entire time I was in the room. When I looked up toward God, I realized there was a hole in the ceiling. I could see the stars, and I added a thank you to God for not sending rain. I asked my cousin why there was a hole above me, and she replied, “The hospital is under construction right now.” Was this place for real?

In the morning, I felt less exhausted. My leg seemed less black and warmer, but I was no doctor. The nurse came in and gave me a shot, which was rather painful, to thin my blood for better circulation. An hour later, my cousin the doctor appeared by my bedside. She and her colleagues were wheeling me to another room to drain my knee. That was the last step to getting a pulse back, she explained. If that didn’t work, I would be in trouble.

This little room was in the middle of the largest construction zone. Lots of patients were stuffed inside – men and women. I was introduced to another doctor, who quickly yelled at Dr. Hair, who originally saw me and said it was a bruise. Dr. Hair didn’t move or say a word the entire time I was there. This new doctor told me he knew few words in English, but he’d use them now, and I had to listen. “Take-a you pants down-a now!” With all sorts of strange men around, I wasn’t keen on getting undressed. But he told me I had no choice. So, I did as I was told.

Wearing Victoria’s Secret panties that had a bow in the front to make my special parts look like a gift, I was red with embarrassment. The doctor giggled and then commented on the fact that my legs were smooth and had been shaved despite my injury. Then, he pulled out a needle that looked as long as a football field. My cousin the doctor, who has an ample bosom, quickly grabbed my entire head and stuffed it in her cleavage. In that moment, the doctor shoved the needle in my knee without so much as swiping rubbing alcohol first. Had my face not been between those two melons, my screams would have caused a riot.

“There’s blood, there’s blood,” the doctor said. This meant that I had broken something internally, such as ligament or cartilage, but without an MRI we couldn’t be sure what. Still, there was a pulse and with less fluid on the knee, I could get enough circulation going to return to the States for surgery to repair whatever I had broken.

Finally, the doctor put a cast on me from my ankle to my thigh. Then, he had a man, who looked to be nearly 90 with glasses as thick as Los Angeles fog in the summer, take a saw and cut the cast down the center. This has to be done when the patient is going to travel on a plane because the airlines require that you can remove the cast in case of an emergency without much difficulty. As the saw came toward my leg, I shut my eyes. Everything was fine until he reached my shin. I yelped, and he said, “Scusa signorina, I cut you.” I replied with an English obscenity. He didn’t have to tell me. I knew he cut me, and the blood that dripped down to my foot and onto my new white cast was a clear sign, too.

When this was all over, I could finally go home to Gabriele and Franca’s house, where my grandparents were waiting for me. But first I had to navigate the construction site with my crutches and cast, without putting any pressure whatsoever on my foot – while my cousin the doctor brought the car around. No wheelchairs for patients in Ischia when they leave the hospital.

Getting up the stairs to Gabriele and Franca’s house seemed impossible. Roberto and one of his friends from down the street came running and carried me to the door of the house. There, Gabriele was jumping up and down and threw his arms in the air as if I had just won the World Cup. “You are a miracle,” he said. “You might be the first person to ever go into that hospital and come out alive.”

Some names and identifying characteristics of the real people involved have been changed.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.


May 8 2011

Happy Mother’s Day

My gift to you on this Mother’s Day is a funny list, “20 Signs Your Italian Man is a Mamma’s Boy,” which I wrote for my ItaliansRus column, “Our Paesani.” Check it out. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry (well, only if you truly are with an Italian mamma’s boy). I hope you had a very happy Mother’s Day.


May 2 2011

Ischia – Italy’s Islanders 10

Love in Italy sometimes buds like these orchids from Ischia's La Mortella gardens. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Love in Italy sometimes buds like these orchids from Ischia's La Mortella gardens. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio

Get the truth about one of Italy’s most popular islands – and its people – by reading my new weekly blog installments (every Monday right here on this site)

Chapter Ten – A Budding Love Story

When I woke up the next morning at Gabriele and Franca’s house, everyone had already left for work. I could hear my grandparents talking outside. They were waiting on the porch to see how I was doing. I tried to put my foot on the ground and immediately felt a surge of pain. I yelped and began to weep. I couldn’t even put my big toe on the floor, let alone take a step. Somehow, my knee seemed even more swollen than the day before. This was a nightmare. I didn’t even want to face my grandparents. I brought them here, so I could keep an eye on them, not the other way around.

Within minutes my grandmother came into the room to see what was wrong. She couldn’t believe the size of my knee. And I just cried some more. Grandpa went to buy us Italian cookies at the pasticceria on the corner. Food, at least for most Italians of his generation, is the best medicine, after all. My cousin the doctor appeared once again like my heroine. This time she gave me shots in my rear end to quell the swelling. I iced the knee every 20 minutes like clockwork. There was no change. I phoned America to let my parents, brother, sister, and all the aunts and uncles and cousins know that I was fine but the swelling was continuing.

The next day was much like the day before. I still couldn’t walk and folks helped me from one room to the other. I mostly sat out on the porch taking in the sun, reading, and chatting with my grandparents and the relatives who came by to see me and who all lived right there in the homes next to Gabriele and Franca’s. In the evening, Gabriele and Franca handed me a pair of crutches that they borrowed from a friend down the street.

My grandmother had to help me get dressed. But being a woman of privacy, she didn’t want to see me naked. She would throw down my underwear in front of my feet, turn her back, and wait for me to pull down my pants and old underwear and pull up the new pair. It was laborious work getting on those underwear without letting my grandma see me in the buff. After that, I got Franca and her daughter to help me into the shower and with my clothes. They could take the scare of my nudity. This certainly was a humbling experience to say the least. The injectable medicine I was drowning in to bring down the swelling was making tiny holes in my tush and giving me the runs, which is ironic considering I wasn’t able to run anywhere. Often, the runs beat me in the race to the bathroom.

Still, I held out hope that my knee was going to improve, and I’d be able to enjoy the last few days of this so-called “vacation.” One of my goals was to visit La Mortella, beautiful gardens in Ischia that I longed to see. Roberto, Tony, Lisa and I had discussed the possibility of going as a group while at dinner before I injured myself. I told my grandmother it would be the first thing on my to-do list once the swelling went down and I could walk again.

While we were discussing this, Franca came running into the room. She was flush with excitement, and shouted, “We must get you dressed in nicer clothes and do something with your hair.”

“What are you talking about? I can’t even walk and only one or two pairs of pants can even fit over my leg at the moment. Why do I have to get dressed up?” I replied.

“Tony is coming here tonight. He invited himself to dinner, and he never comes here. I’m certain he’s coming to see you. I think he’s interested in you.” Franca said. “We have to make you beautiful.”

“That’s crazy.” I replied. “I guess you can do my hair and I can put on a clean shirt.”

That’s just what we did. And within an hour Tony was at the house. He brought holy water blessed by the monks in Naples, CDs he had made for me, and baba’ with strawberries and cream, of course. Looking back, that night was essentially our first date. It played out just like the Italian song, most famously sung by Renato Carosone, “Io, Mammeta e tu.” In that song, “Me, Mamma, and You,” Carosone sings in the Neapolitan dialect about a young lady who brings her mother and some of her other relatives, including siblings, grandparents, and aunts and uncles with her on their dates. Back in the day, some families insisted on these family outings instead of traditional dates to protect the virginity of the women.

On this night, Tony and I were having an old-fashioned date and the theme song of the evening easily could have been, “Io, Mammeta e tu.” Tony sat at the dinner table with Roberto, his sister, my grandparents, Gabriele, Franca, me and my knee, which now was big enough to require its own separate seat at the table.

During the meal, Tony sweetly tried to fix my camera, which had broken when I fell in the street and injured my knee. There was no fixing that thing, but it was sweet all the same. He also made sure to let us all know that he was single and interested in finding someone new. Before he left for the night, he came into the room where I had my knee elevated and would soon drift off to sleep. Offering a hug and two kisses – one on each cheek – he handed me the pamphlet for La Mortella and suggested we go on Thursday, his day off, if my knee was healed. I agreed. When he held the embrace for a second more than most would, I felt that there might really be something more between us.

While I dreamed of a lovely day walking the garden at La Mortella with Tony, Roberto, and Lisa, I couldn’t have possibly known that I’d be heading to Ischia’s only hospital the next day and would not make it to La Mortella for another two years.

Tune into this Web site, Two Worlds, every Monday for the latest installment in my blog about my experiences in Ischia, and every other Monday to ItaliansRus.com for the latest Our Paesani column about all things Italian. Di Meglio is also the Guide to Newlyweds for About.com.